We are much bigger

Over the last few months I've been doing some Internal Family Systems training with a cohort of coaches from around the globe. IFS is a model that begins with a Self in every person that's whole and undamaged.

What I quickly noticed was how quickly we sorted ourselves. Almost instantly, groups formed: 2SLGBTQI+, BIPOC, neurodiverse. Around what makes us different.

I understand the pull, and I felt it too. A label can offer a quick kind of safety. It says here are my people, and it says it with a certainty that's hard to refuse, because the world has so often refused us.

IFS has a name for the parts of us that step forward to keep us safe: protectors. So I'm curious. Could these groups be something like protective parts? Not wrong, and not to be dismantled. Just doing what protectors do, offering safety and certainty. What are they protecting?

It isn't only these groups. An identity, a job title, a political affiliation, an income bracket, even "leader" can work the same way.

What is your label protecting?

Has it ever been true that we're separate? Or is that something we were handed so early we took it for the ground?

Under every name we've been given is a person who was whole before anyone gave the name, and who still is. That person is much, much bigger than any group we could sort ourselves into.

When we focus on what separates us, we get more separation. When we focus on wholeness, and on what lights us up, we get more of that. None of this denies that difference is real, or that it's been used against people. It only asks what we're feeding.

In the next room you walk into, where do you want to place your focus?

We have never been the size of the names we were given. We are much much bigger.

Mentioned: IFS Model →